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[16 Feb 2005|05:55am] |
Anne is so beautiful and great.
I whine like a mosquito instead of talking like a person.
And, Anne may be great, but Amanda is the ruler of all she surveys and I wish there were more people just like her. She is better than everyone.
She's the most:
Thank you Daniel, by the way,
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| if only my name were violet |
[27 Nov 2004|10:39pm] |
it's saturday night and i'm home writing a paper. that's life for me and i'm ok with that.
except i just took a study break and in clicking around the internet i started to reread old journals. which can be fun and silly but this time it wasn't. it made me too reminiscent and mushy and regretful of current emotions. i'm such a sucker.
i guess that's good in a way, i need to open up and be ok. which i am. and my time home has made me realize that fact, even more than i already knew. um hm, i'm a pretty ok girl.
fighting tears is tough though, especially for me. back rubs and hand holding isn't going to fix this and i find that hard to accept and grossly unfair. i told her that she was one of the "my favorite people in the world" because i didn't know what else to say. i hope she believed me because it is definitely true.
with all that said, i think i hate livejournal. or updating it at least. so maybe this will be my last entry for a long long time. i'm no good anyway.
later.
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| work is a jerk |
[31 Oct 2004|02:00pm] |
i'm in the library and completely stuck. i'm writing a paper and the words and ideas just won't seem to come out. it also doesn't help that i'm the most easily distracted person ever and my mind keeps wandering.
but, more importantly-happy halloween! the weather is just perfect and i can't wait until i'm done with my work so that i'm able to enjoy it. i'm looking forward to the parade later on and handing out candy to trick or treaters. plus, eva, amanda and i are going to be zombies (round two for me) and adam esrig is going to be that ali g. character. ehh, nice.
i love that i don't have to clean tonight. dustin and i cleaned last night and discovered that we're an amazing team. we schooled the beast.
ok, i need to finish my work.
mike campbell & lisa-long island stinks, you two will be missed tonight.
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| t is for tired, turtle and two |
[18 Oct 2004|01:35pm] |
i'm at the library studying with jason. i've been productive since about 10:00 (minus a beast shift-meal break) so i'm allowing my brain a rest.
lately i've been feeling very go-go-go. like every second of my day needs to be filled doing something and i can't take a second to rest. this isn't good, i need to learn to take a deep breath and relax sometimes.
although my weekend was fun, i'm bad with my time/priorities and now will have to make up for it by studying all day for my media ethics test and then spending the next three days writing an impossible paper that i'm bound to get a bad grade on. oh, such negativity.
i just want to sew and crochet and ride my bike. all the time.
i also want to reverse time and switch my major.
i've been better lately, though. just better in general. i slip sometimes but i won't allow myself anymore. i've got to keep the pit in my stomach under control.
i'm ok.
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| it's 3:04. the timing is always off. |
[09 Oct 2004|11:18pm] |
today was a day completely worth documenting.
it started off bright and early with a goodbye breakfast for jaime at cookies&cream. and even though i didn’t really eat breakfast, i’m glad i woke up and made my way there. it was nice to squeeze one last hug in.
after that, liz and i took a nice walk throughout town and got new bikes at a rummage sale on the corner of grove street. both of them were in pretty good condition except the handle bars on my bike were mysteriously backwards. it was nothing we didn’t think we could handle so liz and I spent most of the morning trying to tune things up. however, after we had messed up pretty badly and found ourselves utterly confused we called dom for some help. best thing we could have done. dom ended up giving adam, liz, dustin and I a lesson in bike repair-which was so amazing of him. the world needs more dominic armaos in it.
after bike repair 101, we met amanda at the beast and ate free/discounted food. satisfied, we came back to n.oakwood intent on beating mario 3 and celebrating with ice cream cake. and even though we didn’t complete our mission, we celebrated anyway.
eventually, lisa came over and we split chinese food [autumn girlfriends style]. we borrowed saved from millrock and i slept while everyone watched it. woke up to dom’s return, more video games and a genuine feeling of content-ness.
it doesn’t sound like much but it was great.
oh, and anne took her gres this morning and aced them. congratulate her because she’s the best.
that’s it. i’m going to bed with a smile on my face.
ps: n.oakwood has a fully functioning phone (255-3404). call us.
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| drum circles and a pink shirt, what?! |
[07 Oct 2004|02:15pm] |
vicki has pictures of leonard in her room. ha.
oh, and today i skipped my class because it's NOT snowing. and i'm happy about that. thanks for convincing me, kanya.
this weekend is going to be nice.
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| zombie! |
[02 Oct 2004|03:40pm] |
first: today i almost left my house with retainers still in my mouth. thanks, adam.
i'm tired and have no energy to do anything productive today. even though i really should clean, read, alter some shirts or go grocery shopping. but nah, i'm just going to sit around and feel like a big lazy log. i want amanda to come home so we can sit around together and i won't feel so terrible about it.
the other day i got an email from my friend, alex, from england. she's nuts and i miss her and i miss england, which is strange. i often think that i didn't treasure my time there enough. don't get me wrong, i really enjoyed it but i was nervous and homesick a lot. i feel like if i did a semester abroad now, i would have a much different attitude. but i guess that's really easy to say after the fact.
there's more adventures in store though. anne and i have been talking about next year and our plans to move to brooklyn. we're thinking a small one bedroom type of thing that we can be creative with and split. anne and i can make anything work. but now that i have the location down, i have to think about grad school, job, what i'm going to do with my life. and that absolutely terrifies me.
i looked at the grad programs at brooklyn college today, with anne's support, and got completely overwhelmed by it all. i just don't know. part of me feels like i need a year to relax, get some lame job, and just figure things out. it's the easiest option, also. the least scary is usually my choice. but sometimes scary can equal new and exciting so i just don't know.
i'm sure everything will work out. or at least that's what i keep telling myself.
ah, it's almost 4 and i've done nothing with my day. sometimes that's nice but today i'm just bored with this town.
time for a change.
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| my pal |
[29 Sep 2004|12:16am] |
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jared santiago makes life worth living. i love that boy.
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| windmill cookies and liz's sugar |
[25 Sep 2004|10:51am] |
sharleen is asleep and i'm killing time before our traditional bakery breakfast. i'm dying for some tea and a bagel, sharleen&katie style.
but first.
i realized something last night that makes me really happy and content with myself. as i was cleaning the beast, all by my lonesome, i couldn't help but feel sort of down about a couple of things that have been bothering me lately. and as much as i tried to push everything out of my head and concentrate real hard on sweeping, i couldn't. but then, all of a sudden, i heard footsteps and mike borth appeared. somehow just his presence made me feel better; as we laughed about our secret love for cheesy bands he ate rolled up cold-cuts and all my worries were dissolved.
it's funny because after that simple interaction i walked home with a new outlook on everything.
it's simple but true: this is most likely my last year in new paltz and i have to figure out what's important and what's not. i don't want to waste one single thought or one tiny bit of my energy on something which makes me feel insecure or terrible. and i decided that detached emotions and robot-like actions are ok, if that's what makes me happy in the end. because everything is ok. everything is always ok if i concentrate on the amazing friends that surround me on a daily basis.
sometimes all you need is mike borth's smiling face to make you feel ok about life.
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| one plus two equals four |
[20 Sep 2004|11:01am] |
sorry lj, you've taken a backseat to real-life paper journal these days.
i can feel an itchy awful cough festering in my throat. it makes me chokey and feel like i want to gag, gross.
things could be worse though. i did my women, war and peace presentation this morning, suprisingly alert and coherently. i think it went ok but the paper i wrote along with it wasn't my best work. i'll do better next time, right? um hm.
yesterday was goodbye to kathy day which was fun and upsetting at the same time. i hate that once i started to really get to know kathy, she up and moves away. but i'm happy and excited for her and i wish her the best of luck.
hearing about everyones fun travel after they graduate plans makes me want to do the same. but i think i'm probably too chicken and will end up for another year in new paltz or in brooklyn struggling to pay rent. truth is, i just want to stick with anne forever.
liz says that she's going to clean today and i don't believe her. eh, i still love her anyway.
also, mike campbell has worn my pants for the past couple of days and put me to shame-because he looks a lot better in them than i do.
i should go read and be responsible. but first: i miss sharleen, megan and jaime a lot. and all of my other friends who i don't get to see often enough because school and work gets in the way.
oh, and i really like amanda burr. by the way.
sorry for this jumbled mess of an entry, it must reflect my thoughts as of late.
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| garwacke pants |
[10 Sep 2004|07:38pm] |
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVE!
i'm so sorry that i'm not going to be in new paltz tonight for the future party. i promise to make it up to you with an amazing gift. i hope you have an amazing day!
LOVE YOU.
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| let me count the ways, you |
[31 Aug 2004|04:41pm] |
so i just got kicked out of the violence against women class that i really really wanted to take. same teacher and same room as education of self too. for some reason, that made it a lot worse. oh well, i guess it's media ethics for me.
other than that, my classes are ok. it's funny because most of my classes are predominately female and i don't really know how i feel about that. it's just sort of odd to me.
this update is pointless and i have nothing to write. i'm just bored and feeling rejected.
life is funny like that sometimes.
ps: it's even funnier when you expect someone to be waiting for you outside the hum building and they're not.
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| 2 days and counting |
[23 Aug 2004|01:59pm] |
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEGAN! i miss miss miss you and can't wait to see you later tonight.
right now, i'm at the library with liz. she's busy checking email and i'm a little bored but shhh, don't tell her.
anyway. lots and lots of new stuff in the past week. way too much to write or even think about but i will say: new house stuff is good and i feel myself growing more and more comfortable there every day. soon, i know it'll feel like home. it just takes some time for me.
other than that, i'm missing anne difabio like crazy. i hope her and mike come home soon, and i also hope that mike's cat, hank, is still alive when they get back. i'm a bad cat-feeder, all i can say is- thank you, jeremy murphy.
i kind of want a cat lately. someone to cuddle and talk to. but i don't think that's a good idea, for reasons i've already said. plus, i don't think a cat would fly with lenny.
ok. nothing else. i've got surprises to work on at home.
"home."
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| comma crazy, i think |
[14 Aug 2004|11:57pm] |
i just got off the phone with vicki and it made me realize just how much i miss her cute little face. i wish that we were still sharing an apartment and i could cuddle with her right now. nyack-carmel is way too far for us, vick.
but for the most part, my time home has been nice. i definitely needed this catch up time with my family. my mother and i spent a bunch of quality time together and i cuddled with my dog during a thunderstorm. however, as great as home is, i'm really looking forward to going back to new paltz.
and speaking of new paltz, i'll be there bright and early tomorrow morning to dish-wash at the bistro. the worst part is, i have to skip a fun trip to binghamton with frame because no one would take my dish-washing shift. so, on top of being soaking wet and miserable for six hours, i also have to miss out on something that i was looking forward to. eh, i guess things could be worse.
ok, i need to go to bed.
one last thing: today anne and i giggled and talked like we did in high school, right in the middle of her living room. and i loved every minute of it.
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| mouse plural = mice |
[15 Jul 2004|06:40pm] |
today i made my first stencil:
it's not perfect but i think it's a cutie. thanks, vicki!
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| marry me |
[14 Jul 2004|12:05pm] |
i rode my bike to the library because i was bored and i wanted to check my email and be an internerd. so here i am.
in less than two weeks i'll be 1) 21 2) sort of homeless and 3) missing stephen brown like crazy. there are so many moments in my life when i want to completely freeze time and keep things exactly like they are, this is definitely one of those times. i hope these two weeks go slow.
i guess i just have to look at the positives though. i'll be living with vicki for a bit and then in a cute house with a bunch of friends. but still, i'm happy right now so why risk changing anything? [that can apply to many levels of my life]
i guess basically, i hate change. a lot.
but, on the brighter side, i'm looking forward to this weekend. liz is coming up and maybe andrew and sharleen. anyone who wants is welcome for a very casual gathering at 7 n.chestnut-friday night. it's stephen's last weekend in new paltz so if you want to say goodbye, come over.
oh, and sharleen- if you need a ride to sirenfest, you can come with liz and i. i'll call you tonight.
things are nice, i guess. i just wish it was sunny so that i could maybe ride my bike on the rail trail or go swimming. summer fun stuff stinks on overcast days.
maybe i'll stop by mohonk on my way home so that i can giggle with amanda.
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| ways of knowing |
[14 Jun 2004|02:32pm] |
i'm home. well, i'm in my home-home. and that means a couple of things to me: internet access, free oj, my dog, an endless supply of paper towels and toilet paper, laundry and my family.
i planned on leaving new paltz around 4 or 5 tonight but i came home a lot earlier because i had nothing to do and lots of laundry to wash. [anne, our clothes are in the washer as i write.]
the past few days have been very nice. i finally got to see sharleen! we had such a fun time in long island and in the city. frisbee, carousel, vp, (no movie), and seeing alex was all a lot of fun. plus, liz met up with us and i got to hear stephen say "the passion" a lot. it's the little things which mean a lot to me.
on saturday, i had a nice visit with mike campbell and helped/failed at looking for queemy.
sunday was dishwashing grossness from 9-4 with zach and then a game of baseball. stephen played too which was a nice surprise and i got 2 runs. later this week, stephen is going to try to teach me to catch. lora, next time you come up-we have to play too.
i also hear a rumor that andrew is coming to visit. megan, is this true? and forget about andrew, i want to see you.
i'm not writing about one thing/person which has been occupying my thoughts a lot lately. but i guess that's just how i am.
dryer time.
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| yes, please |
[02 Jun 2004|01:11pm] |
new paltz summer is so much fun so far. minus my car being towed and having to pay $200.26 to get it back it's been perfect.
anne and i had the weirdest experience at the towing place. it was very texas chainsaw massacre style, complete with a really scary dog and missing teeth. luckily, we got out alive somehow. i was honestly frightened.
anyway. liz is coming up tomorrow for her bday and i'm so excited. anne and i are going to bake her a cake and i think i'm going to sew her some sort of surprise. i'm not exactly sure what but i'll figure something out. it's been way too long since i've seen my roomie and i miss her like crazy.
i have a gardening date with jared today. i hope the weather holds out and it can actually happen. our poor little garden is really shaping up thanks to hours and hours of weeding and help from mike brown. i hope we can actually plant things soon, it's getting kind of late.
other than that, my days are filled with stephen brown and milk&nuts. thanks to stephen, our apt now owns this weird game thing which has 176 old school nintendo games on it. we've been playing it every chance we get and discovering the funniest games. bird week is a good one.
i haven't been on the internet in forever. which means i only read livejournal entries that have pictures in them, sorry.
i miss sharleen. and andrew. they need to come visit soon!
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| my roomie |
[11 May 2004|09:58pm] |
so i'm almost half done with my great books paper. it's not very good (and it really needs to be) but i don't really care. i just want that class done and out of my life, it was way too hard for a 200 level ge class.
other than that, the weather is beautiful and it's so nice to be able to walk home at night and not freeze to death. anne and i rode our bikes home from stephen's last night and it was warm and lovely...and exhausting, ha.
yesterday we [meaning me, liz, stephen, andrew, megan and anne] screenprinted party t-shirts. i think they came out really well, thanks to liz who is a screenprinting genius. and i must say, i think that t-shirt will be something i always treasure...just because when i look at it, it makes me smile and think of such nice memories.
it's going to be sad next year when everyone is gone. the end of the school year is pretty much here and while in some ways that makes me really happy, in other ways it makes me sad to think about so many of my friends leaving. i guess there's always visits and stuff like that but i think it's just upsetting that nothing will ever be the same. and i sort of like how things are, just like they are. but, eh...enough of that.
i have to start thinking about the summer. our housie house needs to hand in the rest of our money and the signed lease. plus, i need to find a job. i'm going home for a couple of days in less than a week and i haven't found a job. this is something that makes me sort of panic. jeez.
everything will work out, i'm sure.
but for now, i should probably get back to my paper. my goal is to finish it by today. tomorrow i'll study for my great books test, no hw on fri and sat, quick reviews on sun and mon, tests on mon and tues, and then DONE. wish me luck. and good luck to everyone else!
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sparkofclarity's journal